IT'S NOT THE END

"Yes, you did your best but it wasn't enough". Not enough? Having only five hours of sleep for almost two weeks just to finish the script, sacrificing two days of my semestrial break to help in the making of props, going home at six o'clock in the afternoon and still be caught in a traffic jam, and spending the entire saturdays of November in school for play practice were not enough? NOT ENOUGH! Tell me! What more could I've done?

It really hurts when you gave your all, your everything yet you were not able to achieve the fruits of your hardships! This pain is stabbing me to death! No amount of science or technology can cure me! That very self-esteem etched within me is slowly reducing into ashes until not a single molecule of it is left! There's a possibility that sooner or later, I can no longer feel the value of my efforts and sacrifices! Definitely, this feeling will lead me to apathy!!!

If I haven't held my tongue , I could have said this in front of many people and shame myself to death. I could have gone wild yelling until I'll lose my voice. And, I could have slammed the doors of St. Anne's Hall. Sorry but I was deeply depressed with the results. Yes, I'm insane. I mean I WAS insane But now, I'm trying to move on.

I did not expect anymore that we will still win because it was obvious that our technical was a big mess. But I kept my hopes up. I wished for a miracle to happen. However reality was telling me to accept the fact that our efforts were not really enough. And, who's to blame? All of us.

I believe that we were on the brink of winning but one very essential element hindered us, unity. Unity could have kept us determined to finish our props though we were short of time. Unity could have fused the acting and the technicals. Unity could have made each moment of practice a well spent and memorable one.

I realized that it's not enough that I did a lot of work and contibuted many ideas.Yes, I did my bombastic best. However, they weren't really enough. Each of us should have done their best too. It's not only the efforts of the directresses, scriptwriters and the actresses that count. But it's the power of 36 minds and 72 hands for us to succeed. We're supposed to be all in this together. Yet, divided we were. So it led us to a painful defeat.

It's indeed true that regrets are always at the end. However, it is NOT yet the end. There is still next year. And, I will embrace that chance to be better.