Saturday, December 18, 2010
THE VERY EVENT THAT WAS FULL OF SIGNIFICANCE TO ME BEFORE I WILL BID FAREWELL TO 2010 WAS THE PLAYFEST. IT HAS NOT ONLY GIVEN ME THE LUXURY OF HAVING A BREAK FROM THE BOREDOM AND AGONY IN BIOLOGY, SOCIAL STUDIES AND MY SWORN ENEMY, MATHEMATICS. IT HAS CHALLENGED ME TO GO BEYOND MY PROVEN LIMITS. AND, IT TAUGHT ME TO APPLY THE VALUE OF SPORTMANSHIP AND TIME MANAGEMENT.
IT'S NOT THE END
"Yes, you did your best but it wasn't enough". Not enough? Having only five hours of sleep for almost two weeks just to finish the script, sacrificing two days of my semestrial break to help in the making of props, going home at six o'clock in the afternoon and still be caught in a traffic jam, and spending the entire saturdays of November in school for play practice were not enough? NOT ENOUGH! Tell me! What more could I've done?
It really hurts when you gave your all, your everything yet you were not able to achieve the fruits of your hardships! This pain is stabbing me to death! No amount of science or technology can cure me! That very self-esteem etched within me is slowly reducing into ashes until not a single molecule of it is left! There's a possibility that sooner or later, I can no longer feel the value of my efforts and sacrifices! Definitely, this feeling will lead me to apathy!!!
If I haven't held my tongue , I could have said this in front of many people and shame myself to death. I could have gone wild yelling until I'll lose my voice. And, I could have slammed the doors of St. Anne's Hall. Sorry but I was deeply depressed with the results. Yes, I'm insane. I mean I WAS insane But now, I'm trying to move on.
I did not expect anymore that we will still win because it was obvious that our technical was a big mess. But I kept my hopes up. I wished for a miracle to happen. However reality was telling me to accept the fact that our efforts were not really enough. And, who's to blame? All of us.
I believe that we were on the brink of winning but one very essential element hindered us, unity. Unity could have kept us determined to finish our props though we were short of time. Unity could have fused the acting and the technicals. Unity could have made each moment of practice a well spent and memorable one.
I realized that it's not enough that I did a lot of work and contibuted many ideas.Yes, I did my bombastic best. However, they weren't really enough. Each of us should have done their best too. It's not only the efforts of the directresses, scriptwriters and the actresses that count. But it's the power of 36 minds and 72 hands for us to succeed. We're supposed to be all in this together. Yet, divided we were. So it led us to a painful defeat.
It's indeed true that regrets are always at the end. However, it is NOT yet the end. There is still next year. And, I will embrace that chance to be better.
It really hurts when you gave your all, your everything yet you were not able to achieve the fruits of your hardships! This pain is stabbing me to death! No amount of science or technology can cure me! That very self-esteem etched within me is slowly reducing into ashes until not a single molecule of it is left! There's a possibility that sooner or later, I can no longer feel the value of my efforts and sacrifices! Definitely, this feeling will lead me to apathy!!!
If I haven't held my tongue , I could have said this in front of many people and shame myself to death. I could have gone wild yelling until I'll lose my voice. And, I could have slammed the doors of St. Anne's Hall. Sorry but I was deeply depressed with the results. Yes, I'm insane. I mean I WAS insane But now, I'm trying to move on.
I did not expect anymore that we will still win because it was obvious that our technical was a big mess. But I kept my hopes up. I wished for a miracle to happen. However reality was telling me to accept the fact that our efforts were not really enough. And, who's to blame? All of us.
I believe that we were on the brink of winning but one very essential element hindered us, unity. Unity could have kept us determined to finish our props though we were short of time. Unity could have fused the acting and the technicals. Unity could have made each moment of practice a well spent and memorable one.
I realized that it's not enough that I did a lot of work and contibuted many ideas.Yes, I did my bombastic best. However, they weren't really enough. Each of us should have done their best too. It's not only the efforts of the directresses, scriptwriters and the actresses that count. But it's the power of 36 minds and 72 hands for us to succeed. We're supposed to be all in this together. Yet, divided we were. So it led us to a painful defeat.
It's indeed true that regrets are always at the end. However, it is NOT yet the end. There is still next year. And, I will embrace that chance to be better.
My Mighty Mind
MY MIGHTY MIND
Yes, by the sound of the word, it's obvious that they carry along with them the authority and knowledge to critic and see which play is the best. Yes, they do know more about the principles of dramaturgy and theater. Yes, they have that keen eyesight to detect the mistakes of an actress and the technical failures. Yes, they do because they're JUDGES. But they didn't know that their decisions made me critically depressed. They engraved a permanent scar in me. And I will not forget that day, December 3, 2010, they took my heart away!
These were one of the negative thoughts running my mind while I locked myself in my room and cried for almost an hour. I bathed my favorite pillow with fat tears. But after that dramatic night releasing my hurts, I felt a bit fine.
I realized how mighty my mind was to think of thoughts that if I have said it to the intended person, surely he or she will loathe me forever. I have blamed the judges who had nothing to do with our defeat and I sort of cursed them. Afterall, that was just in my mind. Good think God has blessed me with conscience to be aware of the differences between the right and the wrong But if He didn't, my mind could have enslaved my entire humanity and drove me to wickedness.
Yes, by the sound of the word, it's obvious that they carry along with them the authority and knowledge to critic and see which play is the best. Yes, they do know more about the principles of dramaturgy and theater. Yes, they have that keen eyesight to detect the mistakes of an actress and the technical failures. Yes, they do because they're JUDGES. But they didn't know that their decisions made me critically depressed. They engraved a permanent scar in me. And I will not forget that day, December 3, 2010, they took my heart away!
These were one of the negative thoughts running my mind while I locked myself in my room and cried for almost an hour. I bathed my favorite pillow with fat tears. But after that dramatic night releasing my hurts, I felt a bit fine.
I realized how mighty my mind was to think of thoughts that if I have said it to the intended person, surely he or she will loathe me forever. I have blamed the judges who had nothing to do with our defeat and I sort of cursed them. Afterall, that was just in my mind. Good think God has blessed me with conscience to be aware of the differences between the right and the wrong But if He didn't, my mind could have enslaved my entire humanity and drove me to wickedness.
Perhaps....
Hands trembling and hearbeat as fast as a blink of an eye. Faith fading. Nervousness rushing. Doubts attacking. Fears piling up. Nothing more is worse than the feeling before every competition. Yes, I admit there was a feeling of competing. It was because of how affected I was because of the results of our CAF Play. "MABAWI KAMI!" That was my mantra. I filled my mind with the thought of making up for the lost we had in our CAF play in order to motivate myself to do my very best. I acted like it was the last hour of my life. But sadly, acting cannot qualify us to win. Our technical was horrible with the lapses and the awful noise at the backstage. And those mistakes dropped us.
Perhaps, fate has destined us to experience such defeat for us to see the values within. Anyway, learning from our mistakes is what matters most in life. If succes is manifested by awards, certificates, extravagant prizes, the greeting of congratulations, shaking of hands and being famous, that's only earthly. Something more precious, priceless and lasting is with God. And it's up to us to see it beyond its vagueness.
Perhaps, fate has destined us to experience such defeat for us to see the values within. Anyway, learning from our mistakes is what matters most in life. If succes is manifested by awards, certificates, extravagant prizes, the greeting of congratulations, shaking of hands and being famous, that's only earthly. Something more precious, priceless and lasting is with God. And it's up to us to see it beyond its vagueness.
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